I was over the moon at the thought of them leaving me alone in the home to take care of myself.Unfortunately, that delight turned to disappointment as I was told I was ‘too young’ to take care of myself. My parents informed me they had got someone they know, a relation of a work colleague to come and house sit with me for the week. Of course, my mood dropped drastically - great, someone to tell me what to do, what to eat, when to go to bed and all that crap. A baby sitter!That night I had nightmares, of an old wrinkly woman coming in and taking over my life. I woke the next day in a sweat, and got dressed to prepare myself for the first day that, really, would change my life.I went downstairs, and heard my parents speaking to someone. I took a deep breathe and walked into the room where my parents turned around and I saw, the only way I could described it now as an Angel. This beautiful young woman, 21 years old and curvaceous. Tight wearing jeans that shaped her ass into a mould. The figure lying there and those around her gradually disappear as I am drawn away, gently spinning down long a tunnel. They are gone and I am spinning faster in a children’s kaleidoscope of brilliantly coloured patterns, drawn along by some unseen and gentle influence. I am loved… I know I am loved… the unseen power tells me wordlessly I am loved. I, the unlovable, am loved. In the far distance amid the ever-changing patterns and colours I see a light that grows brighter and nearer. I spin towards it and I am out of the tunnel. I am in a place that is no place. There is no up, down or sideways. I seem to stand on something but the something I cannot see. I am in a mist, but not the dark mist or fogs of moisture and pollution. It is a bright mist without sensation or substance. It embraces me and I feel no physical touch but know it is the embrace of welcome. If I am loved and cared for, I must be, I am, but who am I? I try to remember who the ‘I’ is and there is only a dark shadow.
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